The Engleson Files

I am not too sure where to begin with KISS but there is no question this band left a very lasting impression on me as a young child. It was during the 70’s when they started making it really big and their presence during that time was very dominant. I can remember buying KISS hockey cards (or KISS cards) and being somewhat intrigued/frightened of Gene Simmons; Mom always found my cards and threw them away fearing her youngest child was traveling down a path alongside the devil. Anyways, one year when I was 6 or 7 years old (I forget exactly) our family traveled down to California and did a quick stop over in San Diego to visit Shamoo (The Killer Whale) and the rest of the gang at the San Diego Zoo. While there, the first meaningful event was a giant tropical bird taking a big white dump on my brother’s head - you could only imagine the laughter we shared as a family at that moment! But then soon after it was my turn and it was all thanks to Gene Simmons: to our surprise KISS happened to be at the San Diego Zoo while we were there and all four of them were decked out in their full demonic attire. I can remember seeing the group in the distance walking down towards us. There was a crowd surrounding them and I remember slowly beginning to hide behind my Dad’s legs as they got closer. As we approached it is my guess that Gene Simmons saw a scared little child and decided to have some fun with him. As we pulled up next to him he stared directly at me with those evil Gene Simmons eyes, stopped, bent down to my level and then stuck his long tongue out at me. It was one of the most horrific scenes I have ever encountered as a child and can remember crying profusely afterward - quite literally he scared the shit out of me! For years that Gene Simmons moment haunted me in my dreams and has never left my mind since. So, that’s where I was, where were you?

There was a phase in my life when I loved to dance by myself on the speakers at nightclubs. This was, of course, early on in my illustrious clubbing career and lasted for only a brief period of time. The setting: early 1990’s, the Parrot Club in Grande Prairie, Alberta, on any given weekend - winter or summer, rain or shine. After having a few soda pops with friends and feeling ready we would usually head down to the Parrot Club to go and have some fun. It wasn’t too long afterward that I found myself on top of the large speakers on the dance floor with an over priced Long Island Icea Tea in hand. My dancing style was pure mockery - both of myself and the ridiculous music you hear before you now. Anyways, my dancing became a bit of thing in the sense that some of the high powered thugs had girlfriends who seemed to have got a kick out of watching me. This meant payback and it usually came in the form of me getting the tar beat out of me in the parking lot afterward, or sometimes right in the middle of the dance floor itself. As this progressed (or regressed) over time, one of the high end drug lords of Grande Prairie pulled me aside and said, “you keep doing your thing, I have guys watching out for you who will handle the situation.” And that was that. Scuffles continued to ensue but I was now able to stay on the periphery. Strange? Absolutely. To watch other people (who I did not even know) engage in conflict over my dancing monkey routine was a very bizarre experience of human nature; but, that is where I was, where were you??

So there I was, inside the Princeton Secondary School gymnasium in my grade 9 year and it is the last dance of the night. It was a special dance because the school spent the big bucks on us and had a video show come into town; this was always a rare treat. The evening started out with three of my hockey teammates getting suspended from school for being drunk and disorderly - and this happened before they even entered inside! As I finished giving my sample to the breathalyzer and entered inside, I could see our principal, Mr. Clayton, standing on stage and sternly telling us all to behave ourselves and saying that if anyone else is caught drinking they will be suspended from school as well. For most of the night I hung out with my friends at the side of the gym and pretended to play it cool - but really, there was only one thing I truly wanted that night: a dance with Rachel Jenson. Every so often I would get out on the dance floor and kick it up with the ladies, but the night seemed to fly by and I still did not have my opportunity to dance with her. Then this song by Mr. Mister began to play and was quickly announced that it was to be the last song of the night. I panicked. Looking everywhere, I spotted Rachel standing with her friends over by the doors going into the cafeteria. Mustering up the nerve; I walked closer, said hello to the gauntlet of girls and then asked Rachel if she would like to have the last dance with me. After the laughter subsided and the group of girls all ran away, I sheepishly turned around and watched the rest of this video in a feeble attempt to pretend that is what I was doing in the first place - praying that no one witnessed this horrific spectacle. After the lights came on and the dance ended I met up with my buddies, watched another one of my hockey teammates throw up outside the main entrance of the school, drove home and went to bed.

So, that’s where I was - where were you?

Oh yes, on January 1st, 1984, I can remember this day as if it were yesterday. Why? Well, this was the day the enigmatic band Van Halen released their supermega-blockbuster single Jump. Now, first of all, let me clarify: I was never a Van Halen fan and certainly was not awed by this particular song, but if you were around during this time it was impossible to ignore the force this song had. Anyways, I am not sure where you were on this day, but I was in Honolulu, Hawaii and can remember very vividly hearing this song every ten seconds while driving in our rented Lincoln Continental - smooth ride, baby! This was our family’s second time going to Hawaii (take a guess when our first was) and I made up my mind from the get-go to buy myself a bear hat while in Honolulu. I am not exactly sure why I was so afflicted for this style of hat, but before we left for Hawaii I made up my mind that I was going to own one and nothing was going to stop me. So, on this day of January 1st, 1984, while cruising in our Lincoln Continental with my grandparents and listening to Jump on the radio, I found my beloved bear hat at a souvenir shop hanging from a large wooden pole next to the parrot hats. I wore that hat proudly for the rest of our vacation and for many years after, and everytime I hear the song Jump by Van Halen this is what comes to my mind. So, that is where I was - where were you??

Alright, Uncle Sam aside, I am going to try a new category here on The Engleson Files, but there is a catch for all you loyal viewers. The Category will be called - Where Were You? - and the concept around it will be as follows: I will present to you a song and detail a memory of where I was and what I was doing during that time; the catch is that I will be expecting stories from all of you in return. The beautiful thing about music is its ability to make time stand still and cement memories of your time here on this planet - and it is my hope to hear all of your stories! So, I will give this a whirl and see if anything sticks, but please remember folks, this category is nothing without you - one line, one sentence, one short paragraph, it doesn’t matter, I just want to hear your stories!

Now, I am going to start with a bit of an obscure song but it is one that has had a very lasting effect in my memory; the song is In the Year 2525 by Zager and Evans, and simply put, this song scared the crap out of me as a young child. I have very vivid memories listening to this song while driving to and fro in our family Volvo and I can remember being scared by its haunting tone and, even though I was too young to fully understand its meaning, I definitely got a sense of doom from the lyrics. Now, this song scared me so much that I began to have nightmares about it and I can remember one in particular that re-occurred many times during my childhood. The dream went something like this: I was walking down the street I lived on in Penticton at dusk and, for some reason, was carrying two bags packed-full of garbage; the streets were quiet and no one else was in sight. Then, way off in the distance (coming from the West) I heard the horrible sounds of a large monster screaming at the top of his lungs, and then suddenly from over a mountaintop King Kong emerged and started trampling over everything in his sight. I knew he was coming after me and I ran to my house in terror, but it was locked and no one was home. Screaming, I ran down the block to the Flinstones house and hid underneath their large stone couch. Fred and Wilma were home but were hiding in their bedroom - believe me when I say there were no Yabba-dabba-do’s on this night! - everyone was in sheer panic. As I hid underneath their couch, I could feel the tremendous footprints of King Kong getting closer and I knew he was very close to finding me - and then as I braced myself for King Kong’s arrival the song In the Year 2525 began to play over the Fred’s stereo (which was smokin’ by the way) and I began to scream…It was usually around this time that I woke up and Mom and Dad had to come running into my bedroom to calm me down. I had this dream many times as a young child but usually got no further into it once the song began. Even as I listen to it now I instinctively look for the Flinstones house and pray that King Kong is not coming to find me.

So, that’s where I was, where were you?