The Engleson Files

One of the real tests of being abroad is living out the expat lifestyle. I do not really like the term ‘expat’ and never use it to describe my current situation, but, when you look at our little world here in Dalian there is no denying that that is exactly what it is. The people I live with are also the people I work with on a daily basis; and when you put all of these people in a foreign land together there is a very special bond that is created from that. In many ways, friends become substitutes for family which then creates a very powerful interconnectedness. Now, for most of the time this is an extremely positive aspect to living abroad, but it can also be very frustrating. When you live and work with each other not a day (or hour maybe) goes by where you do not see the same people and make exchanges with them; and as time and frequency increases certain personalities, values, or habits can become problematic within the community. Everyone is so intertwined that it often becomes impossible to do anything without causing harm to another - and this can be a very awkward and damaging force. Many times frustrations can occur over such trivial matters, “They got invited over to so-and-so’s house but we didn’t?!” And not being able to get away from these types of situations can push people’s patience to the limit and cause a lot of unnecessary stress.

That is the bad side, and it is always there lurking in the murky swamp, but there is a real positive side to living in this type of community as well; and that is when people need each other the community rallies together and takes on the role that only family can provide back home. This can be seen at times such as Halloween, birthdays and Christmas, or in the case of our little community this past week, with the death of our friend and colleague. Immediately everyone came together and did whatever was necessary to fill the roles that were needed; and when you do not have family readily available that is such an important process to be filled. Even though we lost a close friend this past week our community grew stronger because of it. Now, I am not saying that everyone who is over here is a super-close friend of mine, but what I am saying is that because we are over here we have a special bond with each other that only we understand and can share - and that can really make a friendship stronger. Living the expat lifestyle is always a balancing act but there is no question that in my 6 years of living abroad the positives far outweigh the negatives.