The Engleson Files

Ah yes, the serenity of the Ko Phi Phi Bocce Club; located on Tohko Beach (east side of Ko Phi Phi Don, Thailand) you will find the remnants of the original playing field for this grand game. Yes, for eleven illustrious days in February this site was the stage for some of the greatest drama ever recorded in the annals of bocce. The players: Adrian Conradi versus Craig Engleson. The equipment: fallen coconut shells. The competition: as fierce as the day is long. The first stage saw Conradi easily sweep Engleson in the first two games (games to 11) to take a 2-0 lead in the best-of-five series. “Engleson’s time has come to an end,” scoffed an over confident Conradi at the post-game press conference. Deflated but not broken, Engleson walked the beach for hours in a sleepless night desperately searching for his infamous bocce fortitude. Then, the next day the tides turned and Engleson found his magic touch! One game after another Engleson reeled in Conradi with ease and tied the series 2-2, and then put the final nail in the coffin in the fifth and deciding game with an 11-7 victory - it was Conradi’s time that was over. On that glorious day Craig Engleson achieved what no other player in the history of the Ko Phi Phi Bocce Club has ever been able to do, fight back from a 2-0 deficite to win a series. An absolutely brilliant performance indeed from the undisputed champion!

Oh, and yes…Conradi won another game that both players dubbed the “King of the Beach”, but nothing really exciting happened in that game.

“This isn’t a tale of derring-do, nor is it merely some kind of ‘cynical account’; it isn’t meant to be, at least. It’s a chunk detailing one life running parallel for awhile with a magnificent machine, with common aspirations and similar dreams.”

- Che Guevara - The Motorcycle Diaries

Well, it may not be as significant as Che Guevara’s South American journey by motorbike, but in our little world seeing the big guy puttering about on his own on his tricycle is big news! Viva La Poderosa!!

Wow, I never thought I would see the day when I actually felt this way about the Oilers; but, being the proud Canadian I am, I am fully on the wagon and hope Edmonton can win the whole kit-and-kaboodle! Let’s Go Oliers!

The Uighurs are the Turkic-speaking Muslim folk that derive from China’s western most region known as Xinjiang Province. While they are officially Chinese citizens, there is nothing about them that is Chinese. Seen here BBQ’ing up their infamous lamb kebabs, the Uighurs can be found doing this very same thing in every major Chinese city. Xinjiang Province is the fabled oasis of the renowned Silk Road that is situated amongst the vast Taklamakan Desert and borders every “Stan” you can think of. Great people, great kebabs - I love these guys!!

With what was clearly the best game of the tournament, the Killer Bees become the third-ever Dong Bei Cup champions over the mighty Blackout. A sold out crowd of nearly 500 students and teachers got to witness “Golden” Hans Davina score four goals and one assist (including the winning goal in overtime), and “Dominik” Billy C make the save of the year against Tom Beeke to officially stamp the win. All in all, both teams played excellent games; and, this is also the third year in a row the Dong Bei Cup championship game has been won with a 6-5 victory. Congratulations to the Killer Bees!

Well folks, it comes down to this…Black vs. Yellow, for all the marbles. After three gruelling weeks of Dong Bei Cup action these two teams have proven themselves to be the cream of the crop. Black, led by Defieux, has a high-octane roster in front of him, while Billy C, for Yellow, has the grit and determination team busting their butts to get the job done. Who will come out on top? Can talent alone prove to be the winning formula, or, can a championship team win on plain guts? Stay tuned to find out…

In staying with Grant Potter’s William Shatner classic moments, I thought I would contribute one of his ‘oldies but goodies.’ Yes, it doesn’t get any better than ol’ TJ Hooker, ladies and gentlemen. He was good, but fair, cop who just wanted to get the job done, and get it done right. Untamed, but yet, always in control, TJ Hooker always got his man (even if it meant ruffling a few feather from Captain Sheridan. “TJ, get into my office right now!!” TJ Hooker - another Shatner classic.

Well, to officially complete the family three-peat, I would like to now formally introduce you to Craig Stanley Engleson. Seen here hunting for the “Great Ghost of Simatai”, Craig was unsuccessful in his bid lure the wretched beast out of his layer but did have a very successful day on the wall nonetheless - I will explain my light-fingered story another time! Right now, Craig (by the way this is the ONLY time I will speak of myself in the third person) is into Commissioning the Dong Bei Cup, making hoards of posters to hang up around the school/home, Zhang Yimou films, cheering against Defieux in the finals and enjoying a nice rum and coke after a long hard day at work. He’s 33 years old and a good ten pounds over what he should be; ladies and gentlemen, Craig Stanley.

Atari - the purest computer gaming experience!

Yes, today is Kristin and my 7th wedding anniversary! Our big day began at Rainbow Park in Prince George, BC, May 22nd, 1999, where some crazy justice of the peace lady secured our vows in front of a handful of friends and family. From there we moved down to the Coast Inn of the North where we ate great food, mingled, danced, mingled, drank, mingled, and then did some more mingling. I mingled my ass off!! All in all, it was a great day and seven years later we are here in China and still going strong. Happy 7th anniversary Kristin!

cont’d…

After trading away his precious leopard gall bladders for skate sharpening equipment in Singapore, Manuel hastened to Rangoon by ship, north through the straits of Malacca and the Andaman Sea. His merchant friends had given him a number of contacts in the bustling Burmese capital. Burma, while under British colonial rule had accepted as immigrants many Indians, whether Muslim, Hindu, and Sikh. The Muslims had a penchant for trading in jewels and Burma held a wealth of rubies, emeralds, and jade, which are all prized in China - Burma’s main supporter and trading partner. Nevertheless, jewel trading was a highly regulated industry that required one to work “beyond the law” if one was to make any money.

These Muslim jewel merchants/smugglers concocted a plan for Manuel to carry some rubies (hidden in his skate sharpener) along the old Burma Road in Southern China. He sailed his boat up the Salween river as far as he could go and then forged his way north by foot through Shan state and finally into China’s wild Yunnan province, the northern section of the famed and lawless Golden Triangle.

His Muslim travel companion found accommodations for them in Jinghong, Xishuangbanna in an apartment, sparsely decorated but home to a rag-tag group of Uighurs. Manuel soon learned that these Muslims from the far western reaches of China’s vast empire had established a network of operations in virtually every city in China, including his final destination, Dalian. It soon became quite clear that these fellows that had taken in Manuel with such hospitality were part of the Uighur Underworld. They fronted him the false papers allowing him to remain in China, arranged transport to Kunming, where other Uighurs met him at the bus station, and put Manuel on train T375 bound for Beijing in hard seat. Manuel found similar treatment in Beijing and before he knew it he arrived in Dalian, the pearl of the Bohai.

Through the steam that lingers throughout the Dalian streets in the dead of winter you can find Manuel in his modest street side stall sharpening any pair of skates that come his way. While his connection with the Uighurs came to an abrupt and harrowing conclusion, Manuel still forges on. His destiny, it seems, was indeed with the water, the frozen water on which his sharpened skates effortlessly glide. “It is my dream to one day climb up the rigid Chinese social hierarchy and leave the Unobtainable status behind,” declared Manuel as he grabbed a new pair of skates and began sharpening them to his highest standard.

The End

[The following tale is written by Adrian Conradi, Blake Defieux and Craig S. Engleson, and will soon become a feature length novel - stay tuned!]

Manuel Sharpener-Gonzales grew up in Castelo de Paiva, Portugal (near Oporto), where his family ran a modest vineyard. Disgraced, he found himself unwelcome in the family business. At the age 18 he set to sea, following in the footsteps of his hero, Ferdinand Magellan. His ocean-going experiences took him down the coast of Portugal, through the straits of Gibraltar and the Mediterranean (with a three year stint on the island of Corfu as a dishwasher at the Pink Palace), the Red Sea, across the Indian Ocean to Goa, India, a Portuguese colony until the 1960s. It was in Goa that he first experienced the dark, seedy side of life, basking in the sun all afternoon and raving all night in the legendary party town. Many young people find themselves in a low, dark period where the future is uncertain, the past unbearable to think about, and the only solace is to be found in illegal and nefarious activities. This was such a period of time for Manuel. After 10 months of scraping by, Manuel had a vision. Out of the mist rolling on shore in the early hours just before dawn walked a noble figure: Ferdinand Magellan himself. The great navigator cursed Manuel for wasting his life.

“A great opportunity lies ahead”, said Magellan. “I died circumnavigating the globe and great honour was bestowed upon me and our beloved Portugal. Your destiny lies with the water as did mine.”

Manuel sobered up and set sail three days later for Singapore. In Singapore he was introduced to Chinese merchants who told him of the virtual fortune to be made in the trade of endangered species. It was a job that came very easily to Manuel and over six years in the business he was able to establish a solid reputation and could have amassed a small fortune, but squandered it in ways young men often do. It was on a related journey to Borneo that he met Jose Guillermo Colorado, in January of 2004. It was a meeting that would change his life.

While searching out the rare Green Kothlow Python in Kota Kinabalu, Manuel enjoyed the late night festivities with his new friend Jose. It was an off-hand comment made by Jose that shaped his destiny in the Dong Bei region of China (which he had heard was a horribly cold and bleak place from his Singapore merchant acquaintances).

“Sharpener? Your name is Sharpener? We could sure use one of those in Dalian”, cracked Jose, followed by his characteristic chuckle.

To be continued….